I can't believe I only have 4 classes to go in 4 days to finish the challenge!!!! Time went by so so fast and it's been such a crazy 2 months. Since my post last Monday, a ton has happened and I'm still on cloud 9. I have been on top of my practice and made up my missed classes, but the huge new was that I got my results back on my biopsy last Thursday and it was good news =) My misery of not knowing for almost a month has officially ended and I'm so so happy to get a clean bill of health. The good news couldn't come at a better time to motivate me to finish the challenge strong =)
Class 48 & 49: 6:30 & 8:15pm w/Valerie, Class 50: 6:30pm w/Jeff, Class 51: 4:30pm w/Erin, Class 52: 6:30am w/Brook, Class 53: 8am w/Val, Class 54 & 55: 6:30 & 8:15pm w/Nafisa, & Class 56: 6:30pm w/Valerie
I know it's a bit late to change my tracking format since there are only 4 days left to this challenge, but I was seriously getting annoyed that my day count is 1 day behind =X Anyhow, there were a lot of horrible classes within the listed classes and I'm finally starting to steer back to some decent practice. My body is beyond fatigued like most of the other challengers and my back bends are progressively getting worst to being nonexistent. One would think my body would be pretty loose by now, but it's the exact opposite. It's tighter than ever before and those 2 doubles sure didn't help. I am looking forward to giving my body a day to rest and not have to think about a double for the missed class. I would love to take a longer break, but I'm really afraid to regress back to my inconsistent practice prior to the challenge so I am making a commitment to myself to not take more than a day or 2 off consecutively. Plus, my practice has been pretty strong and I am going pretty deep in a few postures so I would hate to lose the momentum now =P
As suggested by Cynthia, fellow challenger, I should still keep a small calendar and give myself a star for each class completed. This will keep the motivation going and who doesn't like seeing a calendar full of stars!
OMG, I just noticed that I didn't end my last few posts with my usual namaste!!! My mind was definitely not all there =P Well, looks like the next post or 2 will be the last regarding this year's challenge so until then....NAMASTE <3
LilySlim Exercise days tickers
Monday, March 26, 2012
Tuesday, March 20, 2012
Staying Strong & Positive =)
I am so so proud of myself for making it through all my classes as of Friday. If you have read my last post, I was really contemplating on taking Friday off to let my chest heal after my biopsy on Thursday, but I made the decision end of day to attend my usual 6:30pm class.
Day 43: 6:30pm w/Nafisa
It was a big challenge since I still felt pretty wounded and stretching my chest seemed like something I should avoid. However, I just took it one posture at a time and persevered thru class. The energy in class was amazing and even with my minor handicap, I felt like this was a very very strong class for me. It was a great feeling to end class knowing that I did it and that I'll still be able to participate in the "New You" given that I make up the one class that I'm behind.
Day 44: 8am w/Bernadette, Day 45: 8am w/Christian, & Day 46: 4:30pm w/Val
All of the above classes were pretty strong classes and my practice remains strong. I know you all must be tired of me saying that, but it is true. Classes have been pretty good overall and it seems like I haven't had a bad class. It could be because my mind set is a bit different. I can't really explain it, but ever since I've surrendered to my idea of perfection in this challenge, a bad class doesn't seem as bad as before and I somehow still think those classes are pretty strong. I am enjoying this feeling and it sort of motivates me to go to class each day. I now attend each class with ease instead of dread and it's amazing!!!!
As I am writing this post, I noticed that my day count and overall class count is off. I'm an accountant by day and can't seem to figure out what went wrong =P Anyhow, I'm just gonna stop trying to figure out what went wrong. All I know is that I have completed 47 classes as of yesterday, March 19th. I now have 13 more classes to go in the next 12 days. Looking forward to the end, yet I'll really miss this challenge =X
Side note: It was beyond sweet to have Sundar, fellow yogi, tell me last Friday that he read my last blog post and to offer to keep me company for my pending double if needed. I am seriously amazed at how loving and giving yogi/yoginis are at BikPas. I couldn't have chosen a better studio to have stumble upon back in 2005. I love BikPas and can't imagine a better home <3
Btw....here's a pic of the lucky charms that I said I needed on my last post courtesy of my Papa. Hope they'll help!
Day 43: 6:30pm w/Nafisa
It was a big challenge since I still felt pretty wounded and stretching my chest seemed like something I should avoid. However, I just took it one posture at a time and persevered thru class. The energy in class was amazing and even with my minor handicap, I felt like this was a very very strong class for me. It was a great feeling to end class knowing that I did it and that I'll still be able to participate in the "New You" given that I make up the one class that I'm behind.
Day 44: 8am w/Bernadette, Day 45: 8am w/Christian, & Day 46: 4:30pm w/Val
All of the above classes were pretty strong classes and my practice remains strong. I know you all must be tired of me saying that, but it is true. Classes have been pretty good overall and it seems like I haven't had a bad class. It could be because my mind set is a bit different. I can't really explain it, but ever since I've surrendered to my idea of perfection in this challenge, a bad class doesn't seem as bad as before and I somehow still think those classes are pretty strong. I am enjoying this feeling and it sort of motivates me to go to class each day. I now attend each class with ease instead of dread and it's amazing!!!!
As I am writing this post, I noticed that my day count and overall class count is off. I'm an accountant by day and can't seem to figure out what went wrong =P Anyhow, I'm just gonna stop trying to figure out what went wrong. All I know is that I have completed 47 classes as of yesterday, March 19th. I now have 13 more classes to go in the next 12 days. Looking forward to the end, yet I'll really miss this challenge =X
Side note: It was beyond sweet to have Sundar, fellow yogi, tell me last Friday that he read my last blog post and to offer to keep me company for my pending double if needed. I am seriously amazed at how loving and giving yogi/yoginis are at BikPas. I couldn't have chosen a better studio to have stumble upon back in 2005. I love BikPas and can't imagine a better home <3
Btw....here's a pic of the lucky charms that I said I needed on my last post courtesy of my Papa. Hope they'll help!
Thursday, March 15, 2012
Tic Toc Tic Toc....
There is only a little more than 2 weeks remaining in the challenge and I'm already feeling like time has gone by too fast. I am seriously going to miss this one constant commitment, yet I'm looking forward to not having to do doubles to make up a missed class =D
A lot has happened since my last post. I have just gotten my biopsy done
and managed to go to the morning class to avoid missing yet another class. However, I may need to take another day to give my chest some extra time to heal. I am already 1 class behind so now it'll be 2, but I'm confident that I'll be able to get in some doubles before the end of the challenge. I thought there was still a glimmer of hope that I'll still be in the running for the "New You," but it is highly doubtful with my potential 6th missed class =( As Ching, fellow challenger, has been emphasizing, we need to be TENDER to ourselves and this couldn't be more important to me at this very moment. I am getting my results next Thursday so hoping for the best, but prepared to deal with the worst!
Day 37: 8am w/Tom, Day 38: 8am w/Christian, Day 39: 6:30pm w/Nafisa, Day 40: 6:30pm w/Valerie, Day 41: 6:30pm w/Jeff, & Day 42: 6:30am w/Y Thuan
So sorry that I haven't been very specific with my progress in my recent classes, but the truth is that there really isn't much revelations. My practice has been pretty solid and strong besides the occasional bad days. I am still giving my best and think there are very minor improvements, but none that I can elaborate on. I am truly just enjoying this consistent practice, looking to continue it, and making this a solid lifestyle change <3
As I am dealing with my still unknown health issues along with this challenge, I have learned that I am a lot stronger than I think I am. There are definitely moments of fatigue, but I've managed to stay positive with all the support and love from everyone in my life =)
Side note: I have just found out that this lunar (dragon) year will be a difficult one for me (dog) in all aspects, but I will continue to try and stay positive!!! Not usually a believer or superstitious, but looks like a stop at the temple is on my agenda. Also, gots to go get me some of those Asian monkey and chicken charms to carry with me as they may be helpful in diffusing some of the bad luck =X
A lot has happened since my last post. I have just gotten my biopsy done
and managed to go to the morning class to avoid missing yet another class. However, I may need to take another day to give my chest some extra time to heal. I am already 1 class behind so now it'll be 2, but I'm confident that I'll be able to get in some doubles before the end of the challenge. I thought there was still a glimmer of hope that I'll still be in the running for the "New You," but it is highly doubtful with my potential 6th missed class =( As Ching, fellow challenger, has been emphasizing, we need to be TENDER to ourselves and this couldn't be more important to me at this very moment. I am getting my results next Thursday so hoping for the best, but prepared to deal with the worst!
Day 37: 8am w/Tom, Day 38: 8am w/Christian, Day 39: 6:30pm w/Nafisa, Day 40: 6:30pm w/Valerie, Day 41: 6:30pm w/Jeff, & Day 42: 6:30am w/Y Thuan
So sorry that I haven't been very specific with my progress in my recent classes, but the truth is that there really isn't much revelations. My practice has been pretty solid and strong besides the occasional bad days. I am still giving my best and think there are very minor improvements, but none that I can elaborate on. I am truly just enjoying this consistent practice, looking to continue it, and making this a solid lifestyle change <3
As I am dealing with my still unknown health issues along with this challenge, I have learned that I am a lot stronger than I think I am. There are definitely moments of fatigue, but I've managed to stay positive with all the support and love from everyone in my life =)
Side note: I have just found out that this lunar (dragon) year will be a difficult one for me (dog) in all aspects, but I will continue to try and stay positive!!! Not usually a believer or superstitious, but looks like a stop at the temple is on my agenda. Also, gots to go get me some of those Asian monkey and chicken charms to carry with me as they may be helpful in diffusing some of the bad luck =X
Friday, March 9, 2012
I SURRENDER!!!
On this Friday night, I am allowing myself to take yet another night off from the challenge to just relax and hang with my other half just like my pre-challenge days. I must admit that this would have been quite hard to accept as I had such extreme expectations of how I was going to complete this challenge and wanted it to be perfect. For those of you who don't really know me, I have an extreme type A personality and should should seek professional help with OCD. Ask my sis, she would agree!!! So knowing that, perfection and/or expectations are not negotiable =D However, this challenge has literally beaten me up physically and mentally so much that I SURRENDER. The teacher's dialogue couldn't be more true, come to each class with no expectations as if it was your first. I am finally letting go and allowing my challenge to play out however it may. I am proud of what I've accomplished thus far and know that I will continue to make strides in my practice for the remaining of the challenge. Gotta say, it's nice to not feel guilty or bad about things not panning out as expected =)
Day 35: 6:30pm w/Jeff & 8:15pm w/Tom
Planned this doubles night and stuck to it. Set myself up in my favorite doubles spot near the double doors to the left of the podium. It was so nice to have Jen G. next to me and she even stayed with me to do a double. What a trooper!!!
Both classes was very strong and the temperature was perfect. Just the right amount of heat to keep me sweaty throughout both classes, but was nice to be cool down a bit during the floor series. Overall, another great doubles in my book!
Day 36: 8:15pm w/Val
I originally planned to attend the 6:30pm class, but my doctor's appointment ran much longer than expected so it was another late night. I was pretty cranky since I missed my normal earlier class and the wait at the doctor's pushed me off the edge =X. To top it off, not much was accomplished during my appointment. It's was yet another breast exam to confirm guess what!????....yep!!!....there's a lump there. NO SHIT!!!! Now it's back to more waiting for more approvals and more appointments. Oh joy! As you can tell, I was pretty irritated and was really dreading class. Guess my negative mindset really affected my practice :( This class has now became my worst class yet in this challenge. My mind and body was literally rejecting every posture no matter how much I focused. I am usually really disciplined with my water intake during class, but I just couldn't control myself and kept drinking. This made the floor series unbearable. I ended up staying in savasana the last 15-20 minutes =X O well, I shall be/feel better next class!!!
On a happier note, things are moving along in my quest to finally get a diagnosis even if it's at a snail pace in my opinion. However, guess it usually takes longer because the breast surgeon said I was pretty on top of this and moving along quickly. Also, looks like the doctor is requesting a needle biopsy so there is little to no recovery time. I may be pretty sore in the area, but at least I won't miss too many or no class at all. I am pretty confident that I'll be able to finish the challenge on schedule even if a few doubles are needed. Yay to that!!! =)
Day 35: 6:30pm w/Jeff & 8:15pm w/Tom
Planned this doubles night and stuck to it. Set myself up in my favorite doubles spot near the double doors to the left of the podium. It was so nice to have Jen G. next to me and she even stayed with me to do a double. What a trooper!!!
Both classes was very strong and the temperature was perfect. Just the right amount of heat to keep me sweaty throughout both classes, but was nice to be cool down a bit during the floor series. Overall, another great doubles in my book!
Day 36: 8:15pm w/Val
I originally planned to attend the 6:30pm class, but my doctor's appointment ran much longer than expected so it was another late night. I was pretty cranky since I missed my normal earlier class and the wait at the doctor's pushed me off the edge =X. To top it off, not much was accomplished during my appointment. It's was yet another breast exam to confirm guess what!????....yep!!!....there's a lump there. NO SHIT!!!! Now it's back to more waiting for more approvals and more appointments. Oh joy! As you can tell, I was pretty irritated and was really dreading class. Guess my negative mindset really affected my practice :( This class has now became my worst class yet in this challenge. My mind and body was literally rejecting every posture no matter how much I focused. I am usually really disciplined with my water intake during class, but I just couldn't control myself and kept drinking. This made the floor series unbearable. I ended up staying in savasana the last 15-20 minutes =X O well, I shall be/feel better next class!!!
On a happier note, things are moving along in my quest to finally get a diagnosis even if it's at a snail pace in my opinion. However, guess it usually takes longer because the breast surgeon said I was pretty on top of this and moving along quickly. Also, looks like the doctor is requesting a needle biopsy so there is little to no recovery time. I may be pretty sore in the area, but at least I won't miss too many or no class at all. I am pretty confident that I'll be able to finish the challenge on schedule even if a few doubles are needed. Yay to that!!! =)
Wednesday, March 7, 2012
Time to Catch Up!
So sorry about the long hiatus, but blogging right now is not currently on top of my to do list =(
Those of you who are curious about my health, I have gone to see my primary doctor and has gotten a breast ultrasound since my last post. My primary felt the lump too so it definitely wasn't in my head and he referred me to a breast surgeon. The surgeon needed an ultrasound done so I was lucky to get that done this Monday. The doctor said that the lump is about 70-80% a benign fibro?!?! and very common for women my age (29 =P), but if I want to be sure then a biopsy is needed. I'm still not reassured with the result so I have an appointment tomorrow to see the surgeon regarding my biopsy options. There are 2 options, one is just using a needle to get a sample of the lump tissues to test and the other is where an incision is made to the area to remove the entire lump. I am leaning toward removing the whole thing since its already an issue for me to lay chest down. I just can't wait to get it over with and get the test results!!! This has taken such a toll on me =( Also, my poor boyfriend now has to deal with me being an emotional wreck most of the time =P Thank goodness that he is very understanding and my sister and friends are such troopers!
Day 30: 6:30pm w/Erin, Day 31: 4:30pm w/Jesse, Day 32: 6:15am w/Bernadette, Day 33: 8am w/Christian, Day 34: 6:30pm w/Bernadette
Wow!!! It was pretty hard to recall all those classes. Thank god for the mind body site. All the classes went pretty well and I remained strong in my practice, which I'm pretty proud of even when I am going thru so much. The only drawback was that I wasn't able to do the spine strengthening postures for few of these classes since my doctor told me to keep pressure off the girls so I would just lay in savasana during those postures. It was very hard to continue with the remaining floor postures since I didn't get to stretch out my spine. Luckily, Val showed me a variations of postures I can do where I don't have to be on my chest and they have been working out pretty well so far since Sunday =D I missed class on Monday to give myself a break and to catch up with a friend. Now I'm 1 class behind so looks like it's gonna be a double date tonight with Jeff & Tom =X
I am pretty happy with how I'm progressing with this challenge and that I'm pretty much on schedule. I am now worried that I won't be able to complete the challenge on schedule due to my biopsy :'( I know I need to take care of myself first, but I've worked so hard on this and not completing this challenge on time is seriously disappointing! Hope I'll get some good news tomorrow regarding a short recovery period so I can still be able to make up the missed classes that is pending in the next 2 weeks or so!!!!!! Until then....namaste <3
No wardrobe pix, but here's a super belated picture of my challenge calendar at the half way point. We did it fellow yogi/yoginis!!!!!!!!!!
Those of you who are curious about my health, I have gone to see my primary doctor and has gotten a breast ultrasound since my last post. My primary felt the lump too so it definitely wasn't in my head and he referred me to a breast surgeon. The surgeon needed an ultrasound done so I was lucky to get that done this Monday. The doctor said that the lump is about 70-80% a benign fibro?!?! and very common for women my age (29 =P), but if I want to be sure then a biopsy is needed. I'm still not reassured with the result so I have an appointment tomorrow to see the surgeon regarding my biopsy options. There are 2 options, one is just using a needle to get a sample of the lump tissues to test and the other is where an incision is made to the area to remove the entire lump. I am leaning toward removing the whole thing since its already an issue for me to lay chest down. I just can't wait to get it over with and get the test results!!! This has taken such a toll on me =( Also, my poor boyfriend now has to deal with me being an emotional wreck most of the time =P Thank goodness that he is very understanding and my sister and friends are such troopers!
Day 30: 6:30pm w/Erin, Day 31: 4:30pm w/Jesse, Day 32: 6:15am w/Bernadette, Day 33: 8am w/Christian, Day 34: 6:30pm w/Bernadette
Wow!!! It was pretty hard to recall all those classes. Thank god for the mind body site. All the classes went pretty well and I remained strong in my practice, which I'm pretty proud of even when I am going thru so much. The only drawback was that I wasn't able to do the spine strengthening postures for few of these classes since my doctor told me to keep pressure off the girls so I would just lay in savasana during those postures. It was very hard to continue with the remaining floor postures since I didn't get to stretch out my spine. Luckily, Val showed me a variations of postures I can do where I don't have to be on my chest and they have been working out pretty well so far since Sunday =D I missed class on Monday to give myself a break and to catch up with a friend. Now I'm 1 class behind so looks like it's gonna be a double date tonight with Jeff & Tom =X
I am pretty happy with how I'm progressing with this challenge and that I'm pretty much on schedule. I am now worried that I won't be able to complete the challenge on schedule due to my biopsy :'( I know I need to take care of myself first, but I've worked so hard on this and not completing this challenge on time is seriously disappointing! Hope I'll get some good news tomorrow regarding a short recovery period so I can still be able to make up the missed classes that is pending in the next 2 weeks or so!!!!!! Until then....namaste <3
No wardrobe pix, but here's a super belated picture of my challenge calendar at the half way point. We did it fellow yogi/yoginis!!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Outpouring of <3 & Support!
As I reached the halfway point of this challenge, many things have changed physically and emotionally as expected. However, the best and most unexpected results of this challenge thus far was the camaraderie between fellow challengers and the bonds that have formed between me and a few yogini's. I can't say enough how much their comments and support means to me. Especially through this difficult time for me! <3
Also, I am surprised by my friends who reads my blog without my knowledge. I know it seems silly to think that people don't pay attention to the stuff I post =P Since I only post the links to my blog posts on FB and the Bikram FB page, I assumed that it gets overlooked. Plus, I don't intend to put everything happening to me on my FB status. This blog serves as my diary and I am merely giving those interested in what I have to say and share to the public an access on FB :) After my post yesterday regarding the lump I found, I got a lot of loving message from those who I didn't expect to hear from. It was a pleasant surprise to learn that some of my FB friends do care about what's going on and take the additional effort to read my blog posts. Guess my links don't go unnoticed on people's news feed after all =P Nonetheless, I appreciate everyones kind words.
Day 29: 6:30pm w/Jeff
As stated in my post yesterday, I was going to attempt my planned doubles. However, I listened to my body after the 1st class and decided to take it easy. Class was strong overall, but I was very cautious about laying on my chest. My caution made me very wary and unfocused during the spine strengthening postures. I need to relax and not let my head dictate how my body is feeling. My mind is definitely playing tricks since I discovered the lump and I have been thinking I feel pain in my left breast when there really isn't!!!! Anyhow, there was no need to push myself so hard to be ahead when I am not feeling too chipper. Thanks to Jen Glass, I will take your advise and take it easy the next days =D
For those who care with or without my knowledge, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the <3 and support. Btw, those who are my family or know my parents....please do not inform them of my current lump situation since I don't want to worry them until there is really something to worry about. Until next time....namaste <3
Also, I am surprised by my friends who reads my blog without my knowledge. I know it seems silly to think that people don't pay attention to the stuff I post =P Since I only post the links to my blog posts on FB and the Bikram FB page, I assumed that it gets overlooked. Plus, I don't intend to put everything happening to me on my FB status. This blog serves as my diary and I am merely giving those interested in what I have to say and share to the public an access on FB :) After my post yesterday regarding the lump I found, I got a lot of loving message from those who I didn't expect to hear from. It was a pleasant surprise to learn that some of my FB friends do care about what's going on and take the additional effort to read my blog posts. Guess my links don't go unnoticed on people's news feed after all =P Nonetheless, I appreciate everyones kind words.
Day 29: 6:30pm w/Jeff
As stated in my post yesterday, I was going to attempt my planned doubles. However, I listened to my body after the 1st class and decided to take it easy. Class was strong overall, but I was very cautious about laying on my chest. My caution made me very wary and unfocused during the spine strengthening postures. I need to relax and not let my head dictate how my body is feeling. My mind is definitely playing tricks since I discovered the lump and I have been thinking I feel pain in my left breast when there really isn't!!!! Anyhow, there was no need to push myself so hard to be ahead when I am not feeling too chipper. Thanks to Jen Glass, I will take your advise and take it easy the next days =D
For those who care with or without my knowledge, I thank you from the bottom of my heart for all the <3 and support. Btw, those who are my family or know my parents....please do not inform them of my current lump situation since I don't want to worry them until there is really something to worry about. Until next time....namaste <3
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Coming back strong, but some bad news :(
After my 2 day hiatus from yoga. It was time to dive in strong as I am now 1 class behind and it was just bugging the shit out of me. I didn't intend to do a double the 1st night back, but what the hell....I needed piece of mind that I was still on schedule with the challenge =D
Day 28: 6:30pm & 8:15pm w/Valerie
I settled to my usual doubles spot (next to the double door to the left of the teacher's podium) and proceeded with the 1st class. I was very focused until I got to the floor series and it was during the spine strengthening postures where you lay on your stomach that I notice a pain on my left breast. It was very uncomfortable to lay on them so I excused myself to the bathroom during full locust pose to examine myself. I felt a lump and immediately went into a panic. I was scared and all these crazy thoughts came into my head, but there was nothing I could do this time in the evening so I returned to my mat during fix firm pose. I went into autopilot through the remaining postures. My mind was all over the place and I was freaking out, but I managed to calm myself down toward the end of the 1st class. It was getting too cold near the doors so I moved to the second row close to the studio entrance for my 2nd class when the 1st class ended.
I wasn't sure if I was still going to stay for the 2nd class, but I needed to keep myself busy so I decided to stay. I was much more focused this time around, but the lump in my left breast was still hanging on my conscious heavily. I finished class strong and just headed home.
After I showered, I woke my sister up to tell her about the lump and that I'm scared. It was nice to let someone know. I knew nothing can be done at the moment so I just attempted to sleep. I am usually pretty tired after a double, but it took me a while to fall asleep tonight.
Woke up this morning and went to work to wait until my doctor office is open to call. I figured that there is no point to take the day off and have all this free time to think. I told a few of my friends what happened and they were so nice to offer to take the day off to go to the doctor with me so I don't have to be alone. I have such wonderful people surrounding me!!!!!!! Called the doctor office to let them know what happened, but the earliest appointment was on Friday. I'm not happy about the wait, but it is what it is. I'm at least taking the right steps to deal with this and discovered it rather early. I recently had my female exam a month ago with good results so I'm hoping this is nothing serious. I am still extremely scared, but I'm trying to really not get too stressed out =X
I had planned/scheduled on doing a double tonight so I might still stick to it. My mind needs to keep busy and focus on other things right now. Work and yoga is definitely helping with this and my friends support has been very helpful. My sister even did all this research online for all these possible diagnosis that are not breast cancer so I'm feeling a bit better. I figure I should still continue with my routine as is and take things one step at a time with this lump. Easier said than done, but keeping myself busy with yoga is a great start for now. Until then....namaste <3
Day 28: 6:30pm & 8:15pm w/Valerie
I settled to my usual doubles spot (next to the double door to the left of the teacher's podium) and proceeded with the 1st class. I was very focused until I got to the floor series and it was during the spine strengthening postures where you lay on your stomach that I notice a pain on my left breast. It was very uncomfortable to lay on them so I excused myself to the bathroom during full locust pose to examine myself. I felt a lump and immediately went into a panic. I was scared and all these crazy thoughts came into my head, but there was nothing I could do this time in the evening so I returned to my mat during fix firm pose. I went into autopilot through the remaining postures. My mind was all over the place and I was freaking out, but I managed to calm myself down toward the end of the 1st class. It was getting too cold near the doors so I moved to the second row close to the studio entrance for my 2nd class when the 1st class ended.
I wasn't sure if I was still going to stay for the 2nd class, but I needed to keep myself busy so I decided to stay. I was much more focused this time around, but the lump in my left breast was still hanging on my conscious heavily. I finished class strong and just headed home.
After I showered, I woke my sister up to tell her about the lump and that I'm scared. It was nice to let someone know. I knew nothing can be done at the moment so I just attempted to sleep. I am usually pretty tired after a double, but it took me a while to fall asleep tonight.
Woke up this morning and went to work to wait until my doctor office is open to call. I figured that there is no point to take the day off and have all this free time to think. I told a few of my friends what happened and they were so nice to offer to take the day off to go to the doctor with me so I don't have to be alone. I have such wonderful people surrounding me!!!!!!! Called the doctor office to let them know what happened, but the earliest appointment was on Friday. I'm not happy about the wait, but it is what it is. I'm at least taking the right steps to deal with this and discovered it rather early. I recently had my female exam a month ago with good results so I'm hoping this is nothing serious. I am still extremely scared, but I'm trying to really not get too stressed out =X
I had planned/scheduled on doing a double tonight so I might still stick to it. My mind needs to keep busy and focus on other things right now. Work and yoga is definitely helping with this and my friends support has been very helpful. My sister even did all this research online for all these possible diagnosis that are not breast cancer so I'm feeling a bit better. I figure I should still continue with my routine as is and take things one step at a time with this lump. Easier said than done, but keeping myself busy with yoga is a great start for now. Until then....namaste <3
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